I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize