I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
