Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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