he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
