once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
