You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
