Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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