Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
