I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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