No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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