I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
