we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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