morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
