She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The adults are the big ones right?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
