Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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