Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
