Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
