I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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