I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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