I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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