I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
