The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
