somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
