It's like God shit irony all over that family
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
