best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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