i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
