Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
