Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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