it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
