How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
