i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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