I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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