remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize