Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
