If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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