yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
