Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
