I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
