Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
