Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
