girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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