Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
