apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
