So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
