Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
