Too much gin, very little bucket
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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