Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
