Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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