my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
