I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
