i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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