my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
