shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
