Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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