My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Still dying that you shit outside
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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