I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
