How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
