Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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