i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
