Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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