I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just cropdusted the office
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize