Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
