You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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