I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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