I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
