So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
